“Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the LORD.” Psalm 34:11 (NLT)
Every child is unique and there are many ways of parenting. But is there one approach to raising children that produces healthy, mature adults?
The following Parenting Quiz will help you understand your own parenting style. Answer the questions based on the way you are parenting now. If you have several children, answer the questions based on how you parent your oldest at-home child.
1. How does my child respond when I tell him or her to do something viewed as unpleasant?
a. My child obeys but expresses disapproval (rolling eyes, huffing, slamming doors…).
b. My child agrees to obey, but doesn’t do it.
c. My child argues.
d. My child obeys willingly.
2. When my child is caught doing something wrong, he or she:
a. Feels guilty.
b. Seems not to care.
c. Feels like a failure.
d. Understands the behavior is wrong and desires to make things right.
3. When my child is asked to help with chores, it appears he or she:
a. Does them to avoid conflict with me.
b. Does them only when there is personal benefit involved (money or rewards).
c. Doesn’t expect to have to do chores.
d. Enjoys being helpful and having responsibility.
a. Does them to avoid conflict with me.
b. Does them only when there is personal benefit involved (money or rewards).
c. Doesn’t expect to have to do chores.
d. Enjoys being helpful and having responsibility.
4. When I have a disagreement with my child, he or she generally:
a. Withdraws and gets quiet.
b. Tries to take charge or manipulate the situation.
c. Throws a temper tantrum.
d. Shares his or her thoughts or desires with respect.
5. When my child knows I am upset with him or her:
a. My child is fearful of my response.
b. My child acts up further.
c. My child cries and appears devastated.
d. My child desires to make things right between us.
6. How do you respond when your child is disobedient?
a. Force my child to obey.
b. Ignore my child.
c. Give in to avoid conflict.
d. Explain my disappointment and remove a privilege.
7. How do you get your child to understand what you want him or her to do?
a. Get angry.
b. I don’t bother.
c. Try to talk to my child.
d. Train by my example.
8. How do you discipline your child?
a. Overcorrect. (Consequences don’t fit the offense.)
b. Neglect to correct.
c. Undercorrect. (Consequences don’t fit the offense.)
d. Correct consistently and appropriately.
9. How do you respond when your child does not act responsibly?
a. I yell.
b. I don’t say anything.
c. I continually remind my child.
d. I make a plan for training my child to grow in that area.
10. When your child doesn’t do a good job, what do you do?
a. Use belittling remarks to make him or her feel guilty.
b. Ignore my child because I am busy.
c. Do it myself.
d. Take the time to train my child.
There are four distinct parenting styles:
a. Use belittling remarks to make him or her feel guilty.
b. Ignore my child because I am busy.
c. Do it myself.
d. Take the time to train my child.
There are four distinct parenting styles:
EFFECTIVE --- High Acceptance with High Accountability
PERMISSIVE --- High Acceptance with Low Accountability
NEGLECTFUL --- Low Acceptance with Low Accountability
CONTROLLING --- Low Acceptance with High Accountability
ACCEPTANCE will be defined as:
“Showing love and support to one's child.”
“Showing love and support to one's child.”
ACCOUNTABILITY will be defined as:
“Directing and correcting the actions of one's child.”
Acceptance and accountability can be graphed in terms of whether they are exhibited by a parent in high or low amounts.
Neglectful
Neglectful parenting is characterized by ABSENCE, SPENDING LITTLE TIME and/or forms of ABANDONMENT. This is a bad parenting style.
Neglectful parents are like Lot who was willing to abandon his daughters.
“Look—I have two virgin daughters. Do with them as you wish, but leave these men alone, for they are under my protection.” Genesis 19:8 (NLT)
Permissive
Permissive parenting is characterized by UNDERCORRECTION, that is, there is little attempt by a parent to control the actions of one's child. This is a poor parenting style.
God’s instruction for correcting children is seen in the following verse.
“Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don't, you will ruin their lives.”
Proverbs 19:18 (NLT)
Q1. What negative behavior has your child displayed due to the lack of accountability?
Controlling
Controlling parenting is characterized by OVERCORRECTING, BELITTLING, CRITICIZING, or being OVER-PROTECTIVE. This is the worst parenting style.
God’s challenge to controlling parents is found in the following verse.
“Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.” Colossians 3:21 (NLT)
Q2. Ask God to show you in what ways you may be permissive, neglectful, or controlling. What did He show you?
Effective
The parenting style that gives the best result is EFFECTIVE parenting. Effective parenting is characterized by the presence of both ACCEPTANCE and ACCOUNTABILITY. Effective parenting is characterized by treating your child as an important individual.
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 (NASB)
Effective parents are like Solomon's parents who loved him and taught him God’s ways.
“For I, too, was once my father’s son, tenderly loved by my mother as an only child. My father told me, ‘Take my words to heart. Follow my instructions and you will live.’” Proverbs 4:3–4 (NLT)
Find Your Parenting Style
Count the number of times you circled the letters A, B, C, and D. Put your totals in the corresponding boxes.
The box with the highest number indicates your current parenting style. If your numbers are generally higher on the right side of the diagram, you tend to emphasize accountability in your parenting. If your numbers are generally higher on the top half of the diagram, you tend to emphasize acceptance in your parenting.
Q3. How would you describe your level of acceptance in your parenting?
Q4. How would you describe your level of accountability in your parenting?
Personal Application
Ask God to show you how to be more of an effective parent.
Thank God for His work in your life.
“For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.” Philippians 2:13 (NKJ)
Read the rest of the Parental workbook to take a closer look at acceptance and accountability. Find out if your view of God is affecting your parenting. Learn how to teach your children to make good choices and reach fulfilled adulthood.
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