Loving Others

Excerpts from Social, chapter 4

“For you have been called to live in freedom – not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature [flesh], but freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Galatians 5:13–14 (NLT)

Selfishness
Everyone knows that selfishness destroys relationships. But did you know that when you seek praise, try to control or judge others, you are behaving selfishly?

“For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil.” James 3:16 (NLT)

The Downward Spiral
The following diagram illustrates that selfishness causes your relationships to spiral downward. Seeking praise in your relationships is one example of selfishness.

Seeking Praise
Seeking praise might look like wanting to be told that you do things well, that you look good or that you are appreciated.

Another way you might exercise selfishness in a relationship is by being controlling.

Controlling
Controlling others might look like manipulating people so they will do what you want, the way you want, when you want. You may also try to control others so they will do the “right” thing.

“If you help, just help, don’t take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give

encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy; if you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate…” Romans 12:7–8 (MSG)

Another way of behaving selfishly in your relationships is when you judge others.

Judging

When you see the people around you acting in a way that you do not approve of or that seems “wrong,” you may begin to judge them.

“Don’t grumble about each other, my brothers and sisters, or God will judge you. For look! The great Judge is coming…” James 5:9 (NLT)

Seeking praise, controlling, and judging others leads to rejecting people.

Rejecting
Your relationships will collapse when you reject or withhold love from others. Rejecting others may look like making sarcastic comments to them, trying to hurt them, ignoring them or stopping all contact with them.

Selfishness causes conflict and quarrels in relationships.

“Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves.” James 4:1 (MSG)

Broken Relationships
Selfishness is a downward spiral that inevitably ends in broken relationships.

“It’s harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with iron bars.” Proverbs 18:19 (NLT)

Do you have any broken relationships in your life?

Love Is
When you believe God’s love for you is inexhaustible, you won’t need to go to others to get love; you can go to others to give love.

The following verses describe the kind of love that God gives you.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever…” 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 (NLT)

Humbling Self
The first step on the upward spiral of My Relationship with Others is having an attitude of humility.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.” Philippians 2:3 (NLT)

Trusting God
Instead of trying to control the people around you, you can trust God with them. God has a plan for them and will work it out in His timing.

Accepting Others
Instead of judging others and faultfinding, you can respond by accepting them.

“Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” Ephesians 4:2 (NLT)

Giving
Instead of rejecting or withholding love from others, you can love them by giving to them. Loving others will always cost you something.

“We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our Christian brothers and sisters.” 1 John 3:16 (NLT)

Healthy Relationships
The result of loving others is healthy relationships.

Choosing to Love
Loving others does not require feelings. It is best described as a decision to act lovingly towards others. You can offer a loving act even if you don’t feel like doing it. The person you act lovingly towards will feel loved as soon as you act. Later you may find that your feelings have caught up with your actions.

“Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions.” 1 John 3:18 (NLT)

Is there someone that you need to show love to even though you don’t feel like it?



Read the rest of the Social book to gain a better understanding of God's plan for your relationships with others. No matter how good your relationships are you are going to get rejected. You are also going to see people doing things wrong. Learn how to handle these things God's way. Discover practical ways heal broken relationships.

Buy the Social workbook and DVD now...